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Pete Doherty has to say some pretty demented things to keep himself in the news these days. Whereas once he would simply have to break wind to cause unbridled tabloid frenzy, now Doherty could probably soil himself live on Daybreak and no one would bat an eyelid. With the possible exception of Adrian Chiles, whose job it would be to clean it up.

Now that he’s not dating Kate Moss or creating music of any worth, Doherty’s star has faded so badly that even the NME, whose Journalists once queued up to give him blowjobs, no longer seem to care. Evidently Pete’s not even fashionable enough to appeal to the bovine readership of a magazine aimed squarely at people with an appalling taste in music, despite once being their poster boy. He’s so washed up even he isn’t sure who he is anymore.

Pete Doherty, seen here booking his Eurostar ticket.

Anyway, the former Libertine and hawker of shit music has apparently seen the ghost of his former friend Amy Winehouse, according to several newspaper reports.

The Sun claim that Doherty has fled to Paris after the ghost of Winehouse appeared to him at his Camden flat and is “too frightened to return”. A friend added that “he is utterly convinced that he has seen her ghost.” 

 “A lot of people will think his visions are probably drug-induced,” they added, accurately summing up the mood of absolutely everyone who reads the story, “but he claims he is clean.” Of course he does. But then again he once forced his cat to smoke from a crack pipe, so forgive us if we don’t take everything he says at face value.

Still, it comes to something if Pete Doherty has seen more ghosts than us. After all, he’s not even trying.

The problem we have here is that this story is simply too absurd to mock. It mocks itself. It’s just Pete’s junkie friends making up cheap stories, with scant regard for the grieving family of a much-loved singer. Doherty, and anyone who knows him, should be forced to move to Paris permanently and be beaten to death by burly Customs Officers should they ever try to return.  

Anyone who has been subjected to the laughably self-indulgent second Libertines album will agree that punishment is more than fair.

Note: It was tempting to end this entry with a joke about how Pete Doherty had seen the sallow, haunting figure of a once talented musician in his flat, but then realised he was looking in a mirror. But we decided not to. We’re better than that.

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